


V-cards, Patty and Ill Advised Pre-game Rituals

by tillyenna



Series: 15-16 Draft GC [13]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Chat Logs, M/M, No Fourth Wall, drama in the group chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26220724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillyenna/pseuds/tillyenna
Summary: THIS ONE GOT AWAY FROM ME. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THIS FIC ANYMORE. SAVE ME FROM IT.Real world references in this one:Cale Makar's heartbreaking turnoverTravis Konecny's erm... pre-game... erm... ministrations?
Relationships: Alex DeBrincat/Dylan Strome, Carter Hart/Cale Makar, Frederik Andersen/Auston Matthews, Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid, Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick
Series: 15-16 Draft GC [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776370
Comments: 46
Kudos: 113





	V-cards, Patty and Ill Advised Pre-game Rituals

Hartsy:

| 

@Josty tell me you’re giving him cuddles right now  
  
---|---  
  
Teeks:

| 

Please confirm Josty, because I’m having to pin Hartsy down to stop him getting on a plane .  
  
Josty:

| 

I’m not  
  
Josty:

| 

BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET TO HIM RIGHT NOW  
  
Josty:

| 

Because he’s surrounded by five other people cuddling him  
  
Josty:

| 

Honestly I’m trying to wrap my head around the physics  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Do we think I should tell him?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

That I know who he is  
  
Hartsy:

| 

So I can be all like “BUT YOU’RE STILL AWESOME”  
  
Chucky:

| 

Weirdly  
  
Chucky:

| 

No.  
  
Chucky:

| 

Like, it was bad fucking luck  
  
Marns:

| 

Agreed  
  
Marns:

| 

Like, tell him for a good romantic reason  
  
Marns:

| 

Not cause some shitty stuff happened on the ice  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I just want to be able to make him feel better  
  
Hartsy:

| 

And I’m not supposed to even know he’s sad right now  
  
Chucky:

| 

Just pretend that YOU’RE sad  
  
Chucky:

| 

And tell him you want to read fluff right now  
  
Chucky:

| 

And don’t think too hard about the fact that I know what that means  
  
Marns:

| 

Is it helping with your “frustration” :P  
  
Chucky:

| 

I hate you  
  
Chucky:

| 

(but actually yes, team as family fluff is REALLY HELPING RN)  
  
Davo:

| 

I’m with Marns Hartsy  
  
Davo:

| 

Like, don’t tell him  
  
Davo:

| 

Just, give him virtual cuddles and don’t explain why  
  
Davo:

| 

Also Leon says it sucks  
  
Davo:

| 

And if you want any LDR tips to pm either of us  
  
Teeks:

| 

YOU’RE ON THE SAME TEAM?  
  
Davo:

| 

I know. But he’s going back to Germany soon  
  
Davo:

| 

And like, WE GET HOW THIS SUCKS ok?  
  
Brinks:

| 

Yeah, ditto  
  
Brinks:

| 

Like, I get that Dyl and I have been on the same team more than we haven’t.  
  
Brinks:

| 

But there were some shitty times in the middle where he was in Tuscan  
  
Stromer:

| 

*shudder*  
  
Stromer:

| 

Don’t remind me of the fact I apparently can’t play hockey without you  
  
Brinks:

| 

Pretty sure that’s not what happened babes  
  
Brinks:

| 

But yeah, I know you guys don’t do phonecalls, but just like, having him on the phone not even chatting just like, being there, helped.  
  
Stromer:

| 

It did not help.  
  
Stromer:

| 

Not even a little bit.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Fine. It helped me. Ass.  
  
Stromer:

| 

Ugh, I hate remembering how much I missed you, knowing that you’re already back in the states.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Sorry babes.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Davo’s still in GTA though?  
  
Brinks:

| 

You can have Connor cuddles instead?  
  
Stromer:

| 

Never repeat this  
  
Stromer:

| 

They aren’t as good.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Screenshotted  
  
Brinks:

| 

That’s my new lock screen  
  
McLeod:

| 

What about me AND connor cuddles?  
  
Marns:

| 

What about me and Mikey AND Connor cuddles  
  
Marns:

| 

GTA cuddle pile  
  
Howdy:

| 

Not about the cuddle pile  
  
Howdy:

| 

But I have a question for @teeks  
  
Teeks:

| 

Shoot.  
  
Howdy:

| 

WTF were you jerking off on national television  
  
Teeks:

| 

OMFG I WAS NOT JERKING OFF  
  
Davo:

| 

I’m sorry WHAT?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

That’s like part of his pregame ritual  
  
Teeks:

| 

AND I DID NOT KNOW THERE WERE CAMERAS  
  
Matts:

| 

Erm, what?  
  
Matts:

| 

Jerking off is part of his pregame ritual?  
  
Teeks:

| 

I WASN’T JERKING OFF  
  
Howdy:

| 

It kind of looked a LOT like it  
  
Teeks:

| 

Well it isn’t.  
  
Matts:

| 

Assuming it isn’t jerking off then  
  
Matts:

| 

What WOULD you call it.  
  
Teeks:

| 

Erm.  
  
Teeks:

| 

Just, yknow,  
  
Howdy:

| 

NO TEEKS, WE DON’T KNOW, THAT’S WHY WE’RE ASKING  
  
Teeks:

| 

Making sure I’m settled in my jock and all  
  
Howdy:

| 

Vigorously apparently.  
  
Hartsy:

| 

It was worse when Pats used to do it for him  
  
Matts:

| 

I’M SORRY WAIT WHAT?  
  
Teeks:

| 

Ugh, it started as a stupid joke  
  
Teeks:

| 

Because one day my jock was NOT sitting right and it was fucking uncomfortable  
  
Teeks:

| 

And pats was all “I’ll help” and then, y’know  
  
Howdy:

| 

Jerked you off?  
  
Teeks:

| 

DID NOT JERK ME OFF  
  
Teeks:

| 

Just like, fuckin, jiggled me a bit.  
  
Teeks:

| 

Whatever, he was just fucking around. It was funny.  
  
Teeks:

| 

Only then we won. Like WON. It was a good win.  
  
Hartsy:

| 

And now it has to be part of his pregame ritual  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I mean, admittedly it’s off camera usually  
  
Davo:

| 

That’s erm….  
  
Davo:

| 

Not the most advisable pre-game ritual?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Is it not?  
  
Josty:

| 

I always forget what a fucking goalie you are  
  
Teeks:

| 

IT WAS NEVER PLANNED OK?  
  
Teeks:

| 

IT JUST HAPPENED.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Like, is there video footage?  
  
Howdy:

| 

<link>  
  
Stromer:

| 

OH teeks. DUDE.  
  
Stromer:

| 

THAT DOES NOT LOOK RIGHT  
  
Brinks:

| 

Fuck, you look like a dirty old man  
  
Teeks:

| 

I hate you all  
  
Teeks:

| 

I’m gonna add Patty back to the chat so he can tell you all to stop bullying me  
  
| 

Teeks has added Patty to the chat  
  
Patty:

| 

Bully away.  
  
Patty:

| 

He’s such a fucking moron  
  
| 

Patty has left the chat  
  
Stromer:

| 

I like your boy  
  
Brinks:

| 

Can we keep him?  
  
Teeks:

| 

FFS. He keeps leaving the chat  
  
Teeks:

| 

Like every time I add him, he just leaves anyway.  
  
Davo:

| 

Does he say why?  
  
Teeks:

| 

LOL no, it’s Patty  
  
Teeks:

| 

But I’d guess that it’s because he thinks we don’t really want him here  
  
Teeks:

| 

But if I add him, and then you tell him that you do want him here, he’ll get embarrassed and leave the chat  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Dealing with Patty is like dealing with a vicious but injured wild animal.  
  
Teeks:

| 

DUDE  
  
Hartsy:

| 

What?  
  
Teeks:

| 

Oh, that wasn’t a DUDE how could you, that was a DUDE you are so right….  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Let’s try something different…  
  
| 

Hartsy has added Patty to the chat  
  
Patty:

| 

Um  
  
Hartsy:

| 

:D STAY PATTY  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I need you to help mock teeks  
  
Patty:

| 

He jerked of on tv  
  
Patty:

| 

The chirps write themselves…  
  
Teeks:

| 

FFS PATS YOU STARTED IT  
  
Patty:

| 

Never jerked you of on tv tho.  
  
Howdy:

| 

Wait, so YOU admit that it’s jerking off…  
  
Patty:

| 

Well…  
  
Patty:

| 

Jerking.  
  
Patty:

| 

The ‘of’ bit probably isn’t a great idea pre-game  
  
Patty:

| 

Teeks is fucking Useless after O  
  
Teeks:

| 

Remind me again why I wanted you here?  
  
Patty:

| 

You didn’t :P Hartsy did.  
  
Patty:

| 

Can’t upset are best goalie  
  
Patty:

| 

Youngest flyers Goalie to Ever…  
  
Teeks:

| 

Youngest flyers goalie to ever cry over how beautiful cale makar is  
  
Josty:

| 

Youngest flyers goalie to ever jerk off over a video of cale makar  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Youngest flyers goalie to ever murder you all in your sleep  
  
Patty:

| 

awww we made the baby goalie mad  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I’M OLDER THAN YOU PATRICK  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Wait, actually, Patso, you might be able to help me  
  
Hartsy:

| 

My boyf is sad because he’s losing games badly, and he did regrettable hockey related stuff accidentally, and I can’t comfort him because I’m not THERE WITH HIM  
  
Patty:

| 

Have you tried chirping him about it?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Erm… NO?!  
  
Patty:

| 

I’m Out of ideas then bud :p  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Ugh, you’re fucking useless  
  
Stromer:

| 

Look, if you bae is sad get HIS BAE to give him cuddles. @josty who is hartsy’s bae’s BAE  
  
Josty:

| 

@Davo I’m gonna need a translate on that one  
  
Patty:

| 

This is why I don’t usually do your stupid chat  
  
Davo:

| 

Get Cale’s best friend to give him cuddles  
  
Hartsy:

| 

WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SAY THAT STROMER????  
  
Stromer:

| 

HEY. I’M PERFECTLY UNPROBLEMATIC TO UNDERSTAND  
  
Brinks:

| 

Really?  
  
Brinks:

| 

What’s the difference between me and Davo  
  
Stromer:

| 

Davo is like BAE and you’re like baeeeeeeeee  
  
Brinks:

| 

Mmmmhmmmmm <3  
  
Matts:

| 

Ugh, hearts in the group chat  
  
Matts:

| 

We should be able to fine for that :P  
  
Davo:

| 

No group chat fines  
  
Davo:

| 

Because *technically* it’s Dyl’s chat  
  
Davo:

| 

Since he started it  
  
Davo:

| 

And I really don’t think we want to give him that power.  
  
Marns:

| 

TECHNICALLY we started this group chat to find you a boyfriend  
  
Stromer:

| 

Which worked FLAWLESSLY  
  
Davo:

| 

I’m not sure you guys can claim credit there  
  
Brinks:

| 

I feel I can claim like, 50% of the credit  
  
Davo:

| 

Agreed. Dyl and Mitchy get like, none of the credit  
  
Davo:

| 

YOU HINDERED MORE THAN YOU HELPED  
  
Patty:

| 

Jesus. You all talk fast.  
  
Patty:

| 

And my text to speech does not like stromer  
  
Patty:

| 

Both like his Writing and his name  
  
Teeks:

| 

WHAT DOES IT CALL HIM  
  
Patty:

| 

Ugh don’t make me type it out in sounds  
  
Patty:

| 

I’ll just send you an audio clip  
  
Teeks:

| 

LMAO. SHE SAYS LIKE STROM ER  
  
Marns:

| 

Why do you have a random lady reading you texts?  
  
Patty:

| 

Cos I cant read fast enough to keep up with you fuckers  
  
Patty:

| 

G gets real mad at her in are team chat cos she calls him claude like in English not his weird French way  
  
Teeks:

| 

We recorded it and follow him round playing it :D  
  
Teeks:

| 

And every time he got mad at it  
  
Teeks:

| 

Patso was all “DISABILITY DISCRIMINATION”  
  
Patty:

| 

😂😂😂  
  
Patty:

| 

He was so mad but he was like I don’t think im allowed to be mad  
  
Patty:

| 

It was fuckin A  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Can we get back to my very real problem  
  
Patty:

| 

Just fix it with phone sex.  
  
Teeks:

| 

Internet sex  
  
Josty:

| 

DO NOT DO THAT  
  
Josty:

| 

I’m pretty sure if you take Cale’s virginity I will probably end up getting fined for it somehow  
  
Hartsy:

| 

….  
  
Hartsy:

| 

IS HE?  
  
Josty:

| 

SHIT  
  
Josty:

| 

He probably doesn’t want you to know that does he.  
  
Josty:

| 

Can you forget I told you?  
  
Hartsy:

| 

THAT’S GOING TO BE HARD INFORMATION TO FORGET  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Like, Jesus. THAT’S A LOT OF RESPONSIBLITY  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I don’t think I’ve ever taken someone’s v-card before.  
  
Stromer:

| 

I have binksy’s v-card :D  
  
Brinks:

| 

I don’t think it counts if we just swapped them 🤦♂️  
  
Matts:

| 

Chucky has mine 🤦♂️  
  
Marns:

| 

WHAT?  
  
Matts:

| 

Mouse! You can’t be mad, we all know YOU’VE slept with him  
  
Marns:

| 

NOT MAD!!! JUST FREAKING OUT BECAUSE MY BFF5EVA AND I LOST OUR V-CARDS TO THE SAME GUY  
  
Chucky:

| 

😎  
  
Davo:

| 

Virginity is a social construct anyhow  
  
Marns:

| 

OH HO HO  
  
Marns:

| 

Either Davo’s STILL A VIRGIN  
  
Marns:

| 

Or he’s really fuckin awks about who it was  
  
Stromer:

| 

I feel like I should know who it is  
  
Stromer:

| 

And the fact that I don’t….  
  
Stromer:

| 

Implies he’s DEFINITELY ASHAMED  
  
Brinks:

| 

O.O IT WASN’T EICHS WAS IT???  
  
Davo:

| 

NO IT FUCKING WASN’T  
  
Davo:

| 

EW  
  
Stromer:

| 

Was it burky?  
  
Davo:

| 

I’ve TOLD YOU…. IT’S A MEANINGLESS SOCIAL CONSTRUCT  
  
Stromer:

| 

So it wasn’t burky then.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Was it at the draft?  
  
Stromer:

| 

I feel like I’d have known if it was at the draft  
  
Stromer:

| 

Because we were going to have a Davo losing his V-card party  
  
Stromer:

| 

And if he didn’t tell me at the time  
  
Stromer:

| 

It’s because I was mega sad  
  
Davo:

| 

Can we just stop this please  
  
Brinks:

| 

So it’s 17-18 season then?  
  
Stromer:

| 

Got to be.  
  
Stromer:

| 

:D I’m just gonna ask Ry  
  
Stromer:

| 

He’ll know  
  
Davo:

| 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T ASK YOUR BROTHER  
  
Brinks:

| 

But he’s like our Davo spy  
  
Brinks:

| 

For the year when you weren’t talking to Dylan  
  
Stromer:

| 

Making me even more sad  
  
Davo:

| 

You realise you can stop guilting me over that now  
  
Stromer:

| 

NEVER  
  
Stromer:

| 

I mean, maybe if you told me who you lost your v-card to 😉  
  
Davo:

| 

*sigh*  
  
Davo:

| 

No.  
  
Stromer:

| 

Then I’m gonna text Ry :P  
  
Stromer:

| 

Not like he’s doing anything atm  
  
Davo:

| 

Dyllllllllll  
  
Davo:

| 

Dylan  
  
Davo:

| 

Please. I’m asking you really nicely. Don’t bring Ryan into this.  
  
Stromer:

| 

O.O IS IT ONE OF RYAN’S BUDDIES?????  
  
McLeod:

| 

If it’s my brother I hate you forever. Just saying.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Pretty sure Davo knows better than to fuck people’s brothers Mikey.  
  
Brinks:

| 

So who was it :P?  
  
Brinks:

| 

Davo?  
  
Stromer:

| 

CONNNNNN  
  
Stromer:

| 

Con stop ignoring us  
  
McLeod:

| 

WAS IT MATT?  
  
Davo:

| 

No. Obviously it wasn’t Matt. Isn’t Matt straight?  
  
Davo:

| 

Plus, like, I barely know Matt.  
  
Chucky:

| 

And fucking your friends brothers is a dick move.  
  
Chucky:

| 

Right Davo?  
  
Davo:

| 

I’m pretty sure only my friends call me “Davo” Tkachuk  
  
Stromer:

| 

Ooooh chucky hit a nerve.  
  
Stromer:

| 

Who’s brother did YOU fuck in the 17-18 season  
  
Davo:

| 

…  
  
Davo:

| 

I’m not doing this over the GC Dyl, I’m coming round.  
  
Brinks:

| 

Holy shit.  
  
Mitch:

| 

Holyyyyyy Shittttttt  
  
Howdy:

| 

I feel like I’m missing something here  
  
Mitch:

| 

17/18 was the year Ry was on Con’s team  
  
Howdy:

| 

As in stromer?  
  
Teeks:

| 

Holy shit.  
  
Howdy:

| 

Fuck.  
  
Matts:

| 

Like, @brinks, I’m gonna need you to make sure connor and davo don’t friend break up over this  
  
Brinks:

| 

I’M NOT EVEN FUCKING THERE  
  
Brinks:

| 

@marns @mcleod are you two running interference there?  
  
McLeod:

| 

I’m omw to casa strome. I’ll get there before Con does  
  
Marns:

| 

Ditto, except I’ll probably arrive around the same time.  
  
Hartsy:

| 

I DON’T WANT MOM AND DAD TO SPLIT UP  
  
Stromer:

| 

We’re not splitting up  
  
Stromer:

| 

Davo is BAE.  
  
Stromer:

| 

Brotherfucking asshole enemy…. *glares*  
  
Davo:

| 

I’m sorry…  
  
Davo:

| 

It was a moment of weakness.  
  
Davo:

| 

Seriously Dyl, I’ll be there in like 5 mins.  
  
Davo:

| 

And I’ll explain everything.  
  
Davo:

| 

I love you.  
  
Stromer:

| 

*eyeroll* love you too…. This better be some good explanation.  
  
**Author's Note:**

> I PROMISE THAT DYLAN AND CONNOR ARE STILL FRIENDS.


End file.
